Monthly Archives: February 2012

Send Him to Hell

It’s been one month since my break up with Mr. Pathetic. It was the day when I realized how much he meant to me and how little I meant to him. The pain of that has been very deep. My inner flower child hasn’t been too happy with the situation either.

This past month has been an emotional roller coaster. Some days are filled with broken lines and jagged edges that rip my heart up even more. We’ve had no contact and that’s a good thing. I’ve been tempted at times to email him but I have nothing left to say.

I blocked his phone number so he can’t call. Otherwise I would have tormented myself waiting for him to call. I also blocked his email address so I’m not waiting and hoping for a message he will never send. There’s no way I’m going to let his words and games hurt me again.

I finally got to the point where I had enough misery over this and it was time to cut the cord once and for all. I decided to send him to hell and be done with him.

It’s not as difficult as one might think to send someone to hell who deserves to be there, who needs to go there (in your opinion). What better revenge than to  send his pathetic self to a place where Karma will do it’s best work.

A wise friend, one of my favorite angels said something that made me think.  With much empathy she said, “As you know Karma will happen for hurting you like that! Hope he finds his Bimbette and she lets him know he’s too old after all.”

I decided to send him one last email…my final answer…the last word…to send him to hell.

Happy Anniversary Mr. Pathetic,

This anniversary is one worth celebrating. It’s been one month since you attempted to make me crumble to my knees over losing you. I truly hope you are as happy as you hoped to be without me around.  I’ve had a month to figure things out and to realize that men like you are a dime a dozen… but it’s time for me to move on now. If I had known then what I know now I would have cut you loose much sooner.  I hope you find the bimbette of your dreams who will sit in the bitch seat of your life for awhile and make you as miserable as you made me. You deserve it.  Happy Anniversary Mr. P. I am looking forward to a lifetime of them.  No need to reply. Enjoy your trip. Karm

Then I played my favorite Pussycat Dolls song and danced around the house. Now all I have to do is take care of me and let Karma take care of him. I feel empowered now.

My inner flower child and I have returned to the silly life we had before Mr. P came along. It’s a beautiful life, full of hope, where dreams come true. It’s a life I don’t need to be rescued from…it’s a life I love.

It pays to be fearless. Love to all….Karm

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You Only Live Once

You only live once. Ever think about what that actually means?

In my 20s I was married and had 2 babies. It was one hell of a good time too. In my thirties I got divorced, was a single mom raising those 2 babies and worked hard on my career. I had my 20s and 30s. I only get them once. I can’t have them again.

In my 40s I married again and those 2 babies grew up and went to college. I went to college too and had a successful career. In my 50s my 2 babies and I all graduated from college. It took me 15 years part time nights to get my degree. Then my mom passed away. I got a divorce again (3 years ago). My home became very, very quiet. I had my 40’s and 50’s. I can only have them once. I can’t have them again. You could say it’s God’s plan for all of us.

I’m 60 now and at a crossroad in my life.  There’s nothing more hurtful to a woman than a man telling her she’s too old to love. We never ever want to hear that from our lovers because it is such a crushing blow.

Mr Pathetic (11 years younger than me) told me he would be 60 in 10 years and didn’t want to have to take care of a 71 year old woman. Of course my age never bothered him in the bedroom for the four months we dated. Having those words hit my ears and then strike me in the gut was such a slap in the face.

Each time we look in the mirror we see past the grey hair, the lines in our faces and every unwanted pound on our bodies. There is still a woman there…a woman who is very sensitive about getting older…a woman who remembers and wants passion… wants to love and be loved…who doesn’t want to have to apologize for already living  her 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s.

We watch men get older with their grey hair, balding and big bellies. We watch them go through their mid-life crisis, which can be just as bizarre as anything I’ve ever witnessed. We watch men in their 60s chasing young women for a good time. If they think a young woman will make them young again, they’re so wrong. No matter what, they can never be young again…they can never relive their youth.

How is this for a one-liner?  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

We can only have it once, but the one chance we do have is one hell of a ride.

It pays to be fearless.  Love to all….Karm

Ramblings of a Lunatic

I’m beginning to feel like I’m in dating boot camp (not a bad thing).

I’ve been reading post after post written by men and women perplexed by their dating situations.

Then there are those who share their success stories, shouting from the rooftops that their relationship is working.

Some offer expert advice like 10 Steps to Getting it Right Next Time and  10 Techniques for No-Fail Dating.

Others share their heartache and I can feel their tears in the words they write.

Doodlers, scribes and artists bring their thoughts and visions to life to tell a story.

You are all gods and goddesses reaching out with warm hearts to my tiny corner of the universe.

When I’m sad you make me laugh and when I’m lost you help me find my way.

Did you ever have one of those days when all you can think about is stuff you don’t want to think about?

When all you can feel is everything you don’t want to feel?

When you can only remember the memories you want to forget?

Are you just a lover out to score…and should I look for more?

That rude, lewd, crude, moody, brooding brute is running loose in my head again.

It’s just one of those days…silly me.

It pays to be fearless and this will pass. Love to all…Karm

Chocolate

Chocolate.

Your Stud Turns Dud

What do you do when your stud turns dud?

Things go great in the beginning and you’re having fun, the sex is great and you think he’s the one. He’s attentive, flattering and in hot pursuit. Soon he has you believing he’ll make all your dreams come true.

Then one day you smarten up and realize you’re in the middle of his nightmare. Maybe he has mommy issues. Maybe he can’t let go of his ex. Maybe he’s a compulsive liar. Maybe he has a few other women he’s playing with at the same time. Maybe he has an STD named after him.

Whatever his problem is, once you discover his true nature run for your life. Push him off the face of the planet and don’t try to rescue him, fix him or forgive him.  When your stud turns dud it might hurt but you don’t need him.

It pays to be fearless. Love to all…Karm

What Makes You Beautiful

Good morning ladies and gents. It’s great to wake up feeling truly alive and free.  My day started with beautiful messages of inspiration and love from my sweet friends.  These ladies have such a positive message of joy and hope that I want to share it.

My life has been affected  by them in profound ways through both the good times and bad.  Through them I am learning how to close the door on the past, and how to open my heart to new beginnings.

They too have chosen men who aren’t the best for them.  We have all sought after men who are too good to be true.  Now a man with a heart of gold will do. It’s not my job to fix every broken wing that crosses my path…I can only fix me.

JT wrote, “Karm it’s awesome to know that we as women do not get our self respect from men. It is something that we are born with, and we continue to grow with all our lives. Sometimes there are situations with relationships with men where they feel they have to strip us of our self-esteem, our self-assurance and confidence. These men are abusers just as if they had slapped us across the face the; pain of any type of abuse is so destructive.  I can tell that you have come through a lot Karm. YOU’RE a survivor…I for one am proud to be your friend.”

Take the time to learn what makes you beautiful and you will find more beauty inside you than you ever imagined.  Once you find it…celebrate it.  It pays to be fearless. Love to all…Karm

JN wrote, “Don’t ever forget what makes you beautiful”  and posted this song.

Emerging From Darkness

Our lives begin as a blank canvas. As we journey through life the canvas changes to reflect our experience, our passion, our fears…who we really are at that moment in time. The loss of a love, a tragedy or a moment of truth can change our lives forever.  When it happens we are unable to avoid the darkness within.

The pain is all consuming and paints our canvas black.  We grope in the dark until our resilience saves us.  Color and illumination will one day fill our canvas again.  At the turning point we will know that through perseverance we are liberated.  The thrill of a canvas in living color awaits us.

In my imagination I’m flying solo…boundless, limitless, alert and aware. In the present moment there is nothing to fear.  A crown of candles lights my way through dark confusion. I’m like a feather in the wind, searching for a safe place to rest and gather strength in the moonless night. Familiar voices urge me to retreat to an inner sanctuary free of frustration, resistance and regret.

In this safe and peaceful refuge I open my heart and soul to trust, honesty and healing. My heart is  nourished with kindness, sensitivity, compassion, acceptance and love.  The lessons learned blossom from knowledge to wisdom.

Self-criticism and inner restlessness is transformed into deep emotional awareness free of illusions.  The images of past hurts and disappointments melt away,  revealing the purpose and value of these old wounds. The  menacing shadows and sounds of the unseen, the unheard and the untouchable become silent and invisible.

Karmic Diva
Self-Portrait

Faith, discovery and awareness evolve in a lifelong process. Personal fulfillment is achieved with spiritual progress, not human perfection.  When I reach my turning point I will humbly open myself up fully to give and receive love again.  In the meantime my heart and soul will be nourished by the radiant abundance of love all around me.  Until then I’ll be content flying solo.

It pays to be fearless. Love to all…Karm

Emerging from Darkness by Karmic Diva

(c) Copyrighted 2012

Reprint and copy of this article is prohibited without written consent of the author

First Date Sex

Good evening ladies and gents. For the women who want to know what men think, I rummaged through dating forums and blogs for a good topic to possibly get some insight on.

I came across the subject of sex on the first date. Men have a wide range of opinions about the woman who succumbs to the charm of the winer, diner, one-liner type of guy on the first date.

I wasn’t surprised to see that the double standard is alive and well and living in the minds of some very freaky men out there who are trying to date us. A lot of posts remind me of what my mother told me forty years ago.

-if she puts out for me she does everybody on the first date

-first-nighters usually have a disease

-not bad for the price of a Happy Meal

-it doesn’t mean they’re easy,they could be bipolar

-I’ll have sex but I won’t date her

-I think she’s a goddess

-a woman needs a pole like a man needs a hole

-two consenting adults is all that matters

-it’s not a problem as long as they are hot

-you’re lucky to have her but are you man enough to keep her?

-is that the same as a one-night stand?

So there you have it and I hope it helps. If you want to know what men think be ready for a few good laughs.  My personal opinion about sex on a first date is that if it feels good do it.  That doesn’t mean I do it, it only means I condone it.  It pays to be fearless. Love to all…Karm

Be Who You Are

Good evening ladies and gents. For those of you who are falling asleep in the arms of someone who loves you, all I can say is cherish the moment. It’s so easy to focus on what we want or what we’ve lost instead of what we have and what we’ve gained.

I show up for life angry, mad, glad, sad, hurting, happy or whoever I am at that moment. I share my deepest self with people closest to me. With them I am  heard, understood, supported and accepted.

I can love a man deeply, madly, wildly, but if and when I lose all respect for him I’m done. The love and the man doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.  I move on and  reach out to my friends who can help me through my loss.

My friends pick me up when I fall.  They dry my tears when I cry. They tell me me I’m strong, I can do this. They tell me I’m wrong when I am. Friends can’t take the pain away but they will share your journey through it.

I ignore the neutral observers who say…get over it…move on and start dating again..just don’t think about him anymore… put your big girl pants on and go on with your life. No one has the right to tell me how to feel or how I should grieve. We are all unique and handle our business differently.

I’m taking time to heal and to learn the lessons I must learn.  No matter how chewed up and spit out I feel right now I know it will get better.  Be who you are.  I am who I am.  I’m real.

It pays to be fearless. Have a great night. Love to all…Karm

True Confession

About a year after my divorce in 2009 I decided it was time to start dating.  It had been 18 years since I was in the dating pool so I had no idea where to begin. My first dilemma was not knowing where to go to meet eligible men.  I don’t go to bars and clubs so that wasn’t an option.

I joined a local art guild and went to several of their events, but all the men I met there were attached…plus ones of one sort or another. After a couple months of having no luck meeting anyone I was beginning to feel like a pathetic divorcee.

My sister suggested I try one of the online dating sites. At first I was horrified but very curious so I started lurking on the site, reviewing  hundreds of photos and profiles of potential mates. I found a few men close by that I might like to meet, and became reasonably comfortable with the idea of internet shopping for a date.

Hell, I shop for everything else on the web so why not shop for a handsome, sexy man too?  I polished my profile, added a couple photos and paid the fee for a six month subscription.  When my dating profile went public I was off and running like a thoroughbred race horse.

True confession…I’m an online dating junkie now.

Over the past year and a half I’ve used both the paid and free dating sites. Sometimes I’m on more than one site at the same time.  I’ve had to turn down a lot of men who have approached me…not everyone is a suitable suitor.  You have to pick and choose the men who meet your dating criteria and then see what happens.

Believe me, my picker has failed me more than a few times.  I’ve had to rely on the block feature to get me out of more than one “won’t take no for an answer” situations. I guess even at the ripe age of 50+ I can still be one hot mama jama when I want to be!!

It pays to be fearless. Have a great day. Love to all…Karm

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained…Marie Curie