Staying Friends

After reading the post “Birthday Boobs & Blow Jobs: Should You Remain Friends With Your Ex” I decided to put it out there for you to think about and comment on if you like.

Question of the day: Should you stay friends with your ex?

My thoughts:

If there are no kids involved between the two of you why would you want to stay friends with someone that wronged you or broke up with you?

If somebody ends a relationship with me they’re saying they don’t want me around anymore. The message is loud and clear…they’ve decided their life will be happier, more satisfying, more fulfilling without me in it. As much as that might hurt there’s no way I can switch gears from the sex zone to the friend zone. That’s torture for me.

For me it’s best to slam the door shut and lock it behind me. Otherwise I might end up being his emotional crutch for life and who needs that?

What are your experiences or thoughts about this?

It pays to be fearless. Hope you all have a great day. Hugs…Karm

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Posted on April 2, 2012, in Dating & Sex, Relationships, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. All but one of my ex’s I am still friends with today.. Besides the one cheating who… bit… err… ex, we mostly left on mutual terms because we either outgrew each other, got to know each other or just simply realized it was lust…

    OH the lust!

    As from sex zone to friend zone, those were difficult, forever wondering if they were flirting with you or not once again or if it was just habit, and after a while it was obvious that I never never had a change of heart when dating or was in a relationship…. My now wife I have known for 8 years and have been together for 6 years and married for … errr.. *checks current year* … 4 years… friends before dating, and are in love now… But one trick I have found with falling in love with a friend, is to not lose the friendship.

  2. my ex wife wanted to get together for sex after we split. i told her to get lost.

  3. Think that is so important what John’s said about staying friends when you’re in the relationship itself. Personally (I don’t know if it’s a female thing) but I don’t think I can have no strings sex. I think that if there wasn’t emotion involved before, there certainly is afterwards; therefore, it can become a bit of a minefield… I think it’s awesome to think that people can remain friends… or, in some cases, even become friends… after a split but sometimes it’s just wishful thinking. The reality is that the history, past hurts, continued emotions of love, lust or whatever (particularly if it wasn’t a mutual split!) can be really damaging and inhibiting… I say good for you, Rich, for telling her to get lost! What a headfuck, if you don’t mind me saying so! Karmicdiva, interesting set of questions you’ve posed! 🙂

    • love is tricky and it hurts like hell to let go of it sometimes. being friends when it ends doesn’t make it any easier. The only reason I would want to try is to continue his pain as long as possible. Evil but true, If I wasn’t the right one for the part then I’ll be gone and look for my next leading lady role.

      • Ooh, that is pretty evil, but honest! Lol! Actually I guess it is a little masochistic, isn’t it? Trying to hold onto something that is no longer valid… but it really sucks when one person wants out and the other’s left hanging on. Man, relationships are complex!

    • I think it really depends on circumstance and the people involved.

  4. Yeah, I think you’re probably right, John.

    What bugs me is that when two people are totally loved up, something goes wrong and one or both of them just turn horrible to one another. I think that is so sad. 😦 I realise it’s probably partly pride/defense mechanisms in place, but still, it does suck.

  5. I have remained friends with both my long term ex’s. Although we broke up, they are still great guys and we had a friendship underlying the relationship. Through the years we become more or less distant, but it is nice to have them in my life still.

  6. What you wrote here….. I’d be like that too. I don’t think I’d want to be with a person , even as a friend, who had rejected or dumped me.

  7. I admire people who stay friends with exes — makes me think they see each other as valuable people. But personally, have never been able to — except for my ex-wife, and that’s just because we still have the kid together….

  8. I’m friends with most of my ex’s. It wasn’t a matter of I don’t like you anymore it was more of a matter of I grew apart from you. You no longer meet my needs. I use to like this person when we met, so they aren’t all bad. We were attracted to something in each other only that attraction wasn’t enough.

  9. Well, when someone breaks up with a person it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love that other person anymore…the hardest thing to do is breaking up with someone you love…this happened to me one month ago and I’m still suffering so very much 😦 I bet he isn’t…and that hurts even more :((( But I agree with you: when you have shared that much intimacy with a person, it’s impossible to take a step back and return to the “just friends” situation….at least for me. And it’s like you said: they didn’t want to share their life with me, so why should they want me in their life at all??? Doesn’t make any sense…you’re either with someone or without that someone, there’s no half way. Friends? How can you ever look at that person as a mere friend?? Plus, we can make friends anytime, anywhere…love is different.

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