Unsuitable Suitors

This weekend  was pure entertainment on the dating site.  A few emails from not so suitable suitors had me laughing my butt off.  I wouldn’t give up this strange and enlightening world of online dating., even if I meet “the one.”  I’m there for the drama and I’m seldom disappointed.  This is what crawled into my inbox this weekend.

 “I need pussy.” – hankypanky13

“I eat pussy and dont have no shame to say it. Now ill pay 250 if u let me eat yours” –  thicknrich

“I just made a Peanut Butter and Potato Chip Pizza…..it is freaking EPIC. I would love to cook for you.”  – hardslammer

“u cute as hell. u know how to ride a dick or give head?” – blacksac

“Hit me up cute sweet girl looking to kick it” –  metalmonkey

“Nice guy-pick me” –  bemybabegrl

“Am big but don’t worry- – I’ll be gentle” –  creamonme

“Well I’m not goiong to lie I just sepreated from My wife(5/23/12). I have been married for 5 years. It’s up to you to decide weather or not i’m am right for You, or not. I just would like the chance to meet you and tell you about myself, my life and where it is going and what I expect from Myself and My future.” – truckmanron

:I am a divorced, fit, fun, intelligent, romantic, successful, and fun loving man. Lean, clean, not mean, and have a clear conscience. You should contact me if you are a happy and positive person that wants to enjoy life. Are you dizzy yet?” –  onlywantstolove

“I am new on here searching for that woman with whom i can develop a serious relationship from a friendship stage into something serious someday, I think I’m not mistakenly, taking this bold step to write you,well i believed that love could be found anywhere in the world. As far as friendship, trust and commitment can be kept, My name is Johnson, I’m presently working with the United Nation affiliated with US Army in Afghanistan as a detective agent, i investigate crime and i also work as a secret agent, Can you tell me little about your self? Will stop here and will be waiting to hear from you soon..i want you to know am not always on here but I will like to read back from you if you are interested thanks.” –  texascowboy7

HUH?  Wake up guys. If you’re ever going to get laid you have to do a lot better than that.  I might be horny but I’m not stupid.  The odds of hitting your target go up dramatically when you aim at it.   These guys all have one thing in common…bad aim.   Am I on the dating site from hell?

Your best friend on any dating site is your delete button.  Ready, aim, fire!  

(laughing my sweet silly sexy karmic diva ass off)

It pays to be fearless.  Love to all…Karm


About Karmic Diva

I'm a song in the key of life, a work in progress, a diamond in the rough. I write, scribble, babble and doodle endlessly. I'm here to love and learn. -Karmic Diva-

Posted on June 5, 2012, in Dating & Sex, Humor, Relationships, Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.

  1. Okay, its no secret William and I met on an online dating site, so I know where you’re coming from and I got a few of these too, but in the four years since I met William things have obviously gotten a lot worse, glad you have a sense of humor about this, please post more, I need the laughs.

    • I’ve met a few great guys on there so I’m not giving up but I’m looking for quality and might be in the wrong place.

      • Those dating sites are tricky, many of them intentionally attract for sex only, especially cyber-sex. I hate their commercials, but honestly, having been on 3 different sites prior to meeting William, I found E-Harmony was the most legitimate if you’re looking for a solid relationship.

  2. Wow! The spelling and grammar atrocities aside, what a bunch of lame limps who think they have braggibng rights.

    Whatever happened to evening strolls in the drizzle that spark into spoNtaneous slow dance to a Sinatra tune?

  3. Or simply being honest!

  4. The odds of hitting your target go up dramatically when you aim at it. L. O. L.

    I don’t do online dating, but I might try for this level of hilarity.

  5. Written proof that the Maker gave men two heads but only enough blood for one at a time…..sigh. I am so embarrassed as a penis owner.

  6. This is absolutely hysterical. I can understand you not wanting to give up banter like this! Oh man… some people have no shame… nor do they seem to know how to use spell check! 😉

  7. My favorite is the nut who claims to work for the United Nations. and is a detective and secret agent. LMAO

  8. Online dating is a crazy world. I’ve gotten some weird messages since I got on the bandwagon, but nothing compared to yours. I’m glad that you can find the humor in the insanity.

  9. Love the secret agent…but shouldn’t his job be a secret? How stupid do they think we r?? I wonder if these lines ever work for them…

  10. Oh, good grief, H.!!! LMBO!!!!! And so they keep on coming….good grief!!!! Lol! You know, they amaze me with the way they think they’re so sexy & savvy! Hey, at least we can get SOMETHING out of it, right??? Love ya, GF!!

  11. haha…this brought me some good laughs!

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